Tomorrow I’ll be 40 weeks and I thought for sure I’d be holding a newborn right now. My last two were born 4 and 6 days before their actual due date, so I’m completely shocked this baby hasn’t arrived yet. I’m getting increasingly anxious and nervous and dreading the idea of having to get induced on Thursday morning. I’m just so on edge and completely sensitive and emotional to everything, not to mention physically uncomfortable as well.
This has been the hardest pregnancy for me. I fortunately only had one bad month of 24/7 morning sickness, but then had a bout with the flu and several terrible colds during this pregnancy. There’s also been the lack of exercise, as I was mostly sick during the winter and by the time Spring was here I was already feeling huge and uncomfortable and then Summer is just too hot and miserable to be out exercising with all this extra weight. All of this, along with me being an emotional mess (which I never really had issues with in my previous pregnancies), I’m definitely having many second thoughts and doubts on whether I could do this again and I haven’t even delivered Baby #4 yet.
The boys are super excited about his arrival, which I’m grateful for, as lately I’m feeling like the pregnancy has become a burden and taken its toll on me and everyone around me:
- the logistics of who will be where when,
- the upheaval in routines,
- don’t have Baby on this day (as if I have control over that),
- what’s for dinner (I hate this question),
- is my labor and delivery going to be pretty similar to the ones in the past (I have a funny feeling it won’t be, just considering the weirdness of this pregnancy),
- praying recovery is quick and without major issues, as I just want to be able to get back to normalcy sooner than later,
- praying that breastfeeding goes a bit smoother and isn’t nearly as painful this time around
These are just a few of the concerns going through my head. I’m trying not to think so negatively, which is why I’m just blaming it all on the pregnancy hormones. I know all babies are blessings of course and I know it’s all going to work out whether he decides to arrive on his own or I go in Thursday. I’m just trying really hard to just let all the worry go and trust in God, but the anticipation is driving me crazy!!!
So here’s praying I can find some peace and Baby arrives safely and healthy, even if I get induced.
On a positive note, my house is super clean. Bathrooms, laundry, hardwood floors and even the spindles on the stairs are squeaky clean. Only thing left to do is pack my hospital bag, which as I was gathering Baby’s items I realize I’m having a newborn in July and have only one onsie with short sleeves. He’s my first summer baby and I just assumed I had plenty of newborn clothes from his brothers, but just realized last night they’re fall and winter babies. Worst. Mom. Ever!!!
Which reminds me of another mommy fail. I’ll never forget we were getting ready to bring our second baby home from the hospital in the month of February and as I was placing him in his carseat to leave, I realized I had no blanket to cover him up with. How could I forget a blanket in the winter for my baby?!? Yeah, I’m that mom!!! So I was just going to use the thin hospital blanket when the lovely nurse informed me I wasn’t allowed to take it. Seriously?!? I would’ve paid the $5 to cover for the blanket. I don’t even remember what I used, I must’ve just used my coat to cover him up with. Oh the joys of motherhood!
St. Gerard, pray for us! Holy Family, pray for us!